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OUBO Breaking News

'Scam'dalous Events
Out of Touch
Belly nosed out of comp?
Club Cup Record breakers
Where now for Bradford Champion?
Return of 'The Vince'
Larry or Lazarus
Mixed Comp Allegations
Old news


'Scam'dalous Events01.03.2011

Golfers at Baildon are still reeling from the revelations of match fixing and a betting scam?

image: members of a clandestine group?

An undercover reporter infiltrated the insidious group Council United in Nulling Tournament Sports, to find out that last weeks events were only "just the tip of the iceberg" of a far-reaching, organised scam, according to several senior insiders from both within the sport itself and the gambling industry.



One source, known only as “A Fat Bucky?have revealed that "large single-figure sums" were involved, but the full extent of the corruption is only now beginning to emerge following an investigation by the OUBO. The investigation in question surrounds the February Texas Scramble at Baildon Golf Club, and has discovered that some of the golf clubs regulars are deeply entrenched in the society.Unnamed victims claim they gave £6 in good faith to a middleman for entry into a competition running in parallel to a club event, the competition was then subsequently withdrawn without reasonable justification whilst the official club event remained valid.

Bradford Met said a group of 25 -40 year-old men were being questioned on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud players and that a man has been arrested in connection with an alleged golf betting scam centred on the weekly competitions held at Baildon Golf Club.The allegations centred around Council United in Nulling Tournament Sports is that they secretly sabotage weekly competitions by cancelling them when conditions or scoring is not in their favour. Some sources have suggested that the cancelling of bets during bad weather it not down to playing ability but rather the fact that their magic markers do not work as well in the rain.The opinion of one long term Baildon golfer seems to mirrors the opinion of hublot replica the majority of the club “If these allegations are true - or even if they're not, frankly - you do wonder what else goes on the course.?/p>

The scandal comes on the back of a similar incident in 2010 which is now famously refered to as the Lazarus Miracle. The danger to any sport, in which there is any question of match-fixing, or betting within it, raises the question as to what extent the damage from the allegations does to the integrity of the game.

The incident is now subject to a police investigation, the OUBO along with the EGU Anti-Corruption and Security Unit are assisting the police with their inquiries.

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Out of Touch12.07.2010

Police have been asked to step up security in and around Southport to deal with the forthcoming 8-15 Trip. An alarming increase in the activity of the Baildon Touchers has prompted outrage from the residents of the Metropolitan Borough of Sefton who fear for the integrity of their loved ones.

image: The initiation of T5?

The group are believed to have originally formed as harmless drunken fumblers, however recent events suggest a shift in the nature of members intent. A downward trend in the groups activities was identified when the group toured Humberside in 2009 and took on its second Grand Toucher, leaving terrified punters on the dance floors of Scunthorpe running for cover. The Touchers are currently enjoying a significant resurgence in popularity amongst impressionable Baildon golfers, with many clambering to gain notoriety as the next Toucher. All this has sparked fear amongst experts who are predicting an epidemic of touching incidents in the coming weeks.

Activity has been centred in West Yorkshire where the group hail from, indeed local law enforcement were unable to contain the group in Skipton where the latest Toucher , T5 , is believed to have been initiated. There are also unofficial rumours of several incidents during the groups annual July gathering The OUBO although, possibly through fear of retribution, no witness have come forward to confirm these claims.

image: C Watch Special Task Force

More disturbing is the offshoot group known as C Watchers, created by the groups more insidious member T2. The Merseyside Police force have set up a special task force to deal with this particularly fanatical branch of the Touchers and have stated they will take a zero tolerance approach to the disregard shown by this group to public decency laws.

Southport’s attractions include Southport Pier, the second longest seaside pleasure pier in the British Isles, it remains to be seen whether the Baildon Touchers will succeed in attaining their own seaside pleasure at the expense of the locals.

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Belly nosed out of OUBO?

OUBO hopeful Belly Savalas has had his chances of achieving glory in the upcoming event scuppered as the "curse of skipdale" strikes again. After a successful away day in Skipdale by Sea, things turned to disaster after another "eventful" train journey. The ever voiceful Larry (Lairy, after events on Saturday {or T16}) accidentally broke Savalas' nose after falling out of the luggage compartment ! When asked by the conductor what he was doing up there a response from above was heard to say "I'm too long for the chairs and this was the only place that would accommodate me". An unnamed bystander backed Larry's claims saying that he regularly had seen Peter Crouch do a similar thing on both long train and plane journeys.

image: Belly before the incidentBELLY BEFORE INCIDENT

The unfortunate incident lent itself to ugly events that later had transport police called to the train, fortunately an escape to Porkies was made prior to the actual arrival of the pork. The aforementioned bystander is rumoured to have given a statement to the police stating that he thought the incident was the result of the "Inbred Baildon thing !"

In a statement from Belly he mentioned that "I was like Chris Eubank yesterday watching the match - not because of the swollen nose and lisp due to split tongue, but because I have taken to wearing a monocle and using a cane to walk".

BELLY AFTER INCIDENTimage: Belly after the incident

A rumour is circulating that Savalas is consulting highly paid London lawyers in respect of the "where there's a blame there's a claim culture" but has allegedly already been told that he would only get a paupers sum due to the hammered conk prior to the accident! In a later statement from Savalas he was quoted as saying " A bottle of Tooty Fruity Kopparberg will do" although lawyers think this is still pushing it.

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Club Cup Record breakers

image: any old iron

The Club Cup qualifier was a record breaking event that saw long standing achievements smashed convincingly.There were 104 entries in this years event , braving arguably the harshest conditions seen this season.

First in the record book was JB, who improved upon his previous record, formerly shared with Sooty, of 14 shots on the 17th. Both Sutcliffe and Megson carded these scores in successive days of the 2009 DB Mann trophy, Megson’s improvement (deterioration?) of 15 shots in Saturday's comp ends months of speculation as to who had performed the worse on the 17th during a club comp.

Not to be outdone Sutcliffe seized his opportunity to secure the worst score on the 3rd. Bludgeoning it from tee to hole Sooty’s marker’s pencil almost ran out of lead in recording 13 strokes.

However, the days real achiever excelled himself by battling his way through 91 shots to submit a net 89. Long before he’d reached his afternoon match at Rawdon Golf Club, the infamy of Dan Teece’s 19 over par round had spreading round the north Leeds club, leaving him stunned by the reception of rolex replica taunts and banter bestowed on his arrive at the club.

But its not all bad news, Rabbits Captain Richard Jones was positive about the performances , seeing a potential opportunity to plug his gap at the 21-24 spot in the league team.

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Where now for Bradford Champion?

The fortunes of former 8-15 and Order of Merit Champion Kelvin Headwood took a turn for the worse when he was dropped from his spot in the 8-15 league team. A noticeable dip in Headwood’s performance in comparison to the highs of his 2009 season, appear to coincide with allegations of ‘watcher?activities on Baildon moor.

image: any old iron

Whilst other celebrities ‘c?watchers caught in similar predicaments have the resources to quash such allegations, Headwood’s meagre tour earnings have seen him resort to odd jobs to make ends meet. Our sports correspondence caught up with him at his current employment with a domestic services company, however Headwood refused to comment on his current circumstances




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Return of 'The Vince'. 28.04.2010

image: Undercover Vincent

The rumour mill is in full motion regarding talk of the imminent re-emergence of the reclusive Stephen Vincent, (last seen sporting a balaclava to preserve his identity).

Conflicting theories surround his disappearance some months ago stretching the spectrum of sublime and ridiculous. Some reports have Vincent sighted in Panama house sitting the residence of “missing?canoeist John Darwin, whilst others had him providing the real action as the body double on Ross Kemp's Afghanistan show.

image: TRADEMARK EYEBROW RAISE

The reality is far more prosaic, following an amicable break up Vincent found solace playing with his horn in the comfort of his own room. The hours of practice gave him the confidence to join others equally adept at playing with their instruments in the company of strangers. Vincent’s induction in to the prestigious band 'The Rotherham Brass Blowers', who also boast the inclusion of Rotherham's other great entertainment export the Chuckle Brothers , was to see him find romance in scenes reminiscent of Mark Herman’s epic rom–com Brassed Off. The fairy tale story will reach a new high later this year when Vincent and his partner Rachel tie the knot in a lavish affair put together by a close friend who is funding the whole venture in lieu of his own wedding plans.

image: Vincents softer side

So following the anticipated return of Tiger at the first major of the year , will we also be treated to the return of another hero at Baildon’s first major of 2010? Watch this space.

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Larry or Lazarus. 11.04.2010

image: Larry, slight buildConcerns over the health of one of Baildon’s newest members grew on Saturday when Larry Gration retired from the Men’s Monthly Stableford complaining of neck troubles, prompting unfair parallels to the grief he gets in the neck at home from his ‘close friend?Everard Farquharson.

A series of recent jaunts abroad have taken their toll on young Larry’s body. Already plagued with rumours of anorexia, Larry appears to have lost a significant amount of weigh since the start of the golfing season. Unconfirmed sources close to the golfer suspect that Gration is suffering from a form of the medical condition megalocephaly where the head is too big for the body. In Larry’s case it seems plausible that his slight frame would struggle to provide adequate support for his head resulting in damage to his neck and shoulders.

image: Larry, blown awayBookies stood to suffer substantial losses, far in excess of those associated with the days other big event the Grand National, as a result of Gration pulling out of the competition and allowing JB to record first blood in a contest many expected him to lose.

Hope for Larry’s recovery was offered a boost on Sunday when his car was spotted in the golf club’s car park, with several members claiming to have seen him out on the course bravely returning to take on the challenges offered at Baildon. The golfing world waits eagerly to find out whether or not our Larry pulled off the greatest come back since Lazarus.

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Mixed Comp Allegations.15.03.2010

image: offending item, Ugg bootsControversy surrounded this weeks Monthly Stable as competitors in the OUBO league were rocked over allegations their competition had been turned in to a mixed. Full male members have already raised their concern that mixed competitions are now filtering in to their Saturday fixtures and the fresh allegations do little to dispel these tensions.

OUBO officials have stepped up their defence of Nigel Scott, warning of "handbags at dawn" if the row over Scott’s gender stops his/her competing. The Baildon golfer is pending the results of a medical test following doubts about whether Nigel(la) was eligible to enter the Men’s March Monthly Stableford.

The rumour mill was set in motion regarding the possibility of Nigel(la) being part way through a transgender reassignment program when fellow competitors found Scott wearing Ugg boots in the clubhouse. Scott’s case was not helped by another player, who would only give his name as CW2, reporting that he spotted what looked like a G-string whilst Nigel(la) squatted to take relief on the course (quite literally on the course, providing a potential water hazard on the 18th fairway).

The OUBO Committee understands tests are likely to show Scott has an intersex status. That means that although he has been brought up as a man and lives as a man, (s)he may prove to have both male and female sex characteristics.
In response to the accusations Nigel(la) said ”This is just sour grapes, I beat some of the clubs best players fair and square by 3 shots, I guess it was just my time of the month?, this statement was later retracted owing to the possible connotations implied.

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